Bridal Showers

Lingerie Rules: What Is and Isn’t Appropriate for a Modern Lingerie Shower

Guest Contributor Camille Davis

Lingerie showers are traditionally used to prepare a bride for her wedding night and honeymoon. Ideally, they provide her with attire that is attractive and/or comfortable for the intimate moments she will spend as a new bride. These pieces are more than alluring undergarments used to entice her groom.  They are expressions of her personality, her style and the mood that she wants to create within her bridal suite. Because of this, it is extremely important that a lingerie shower provide the bride with intimate wear that reflects her preferences. Here a few tips for planning a lingerie shower that accurately reflects the needs of the bride:


1.  Find out what the bride wants.

Dallas-based, celebrity wedding planner, Donnie Brown, says that it is important for a hostess to find out the specifics of a bride’s wish list. He says this can be done one of two ways: by having the bride create a registry or by having a conversation with the bride. Brown states, “Having a conversation helps you find out what a bride really needs. Only a few places offer registries for lingerie, so it is important to ask a bride directly: “What do you really want.” The hostess can subsequently communicate these preferences to the guests.

2. Ensure shower guests purchase intimate apparel for the bride in the correct size.

If something that is purchased is the incorrect size, the bride cannot use it. Additionally, a bride may not have the time or desire to exchange gifts that are the wrong size. Most importantly, a bride may take offense if she is given an item that is too large or small for her.  A good hostess should suggest that the bride go to a “fitting” to ensure that she knows and is communicating the proper bra, panty, gown and negligee sizes to her shower guests. Donnie Brown adds, “A lingerie piece must be the perfect fit. It has to fit like a glove.”

3. Be wise about the guest list.

The guest list for lingerie showers should be limited to close friends of the bride. Otherwise, the bride and/or her potential guests could feel awkward. Brown states, “A lingerie shower may not be the best shower for future in-laws or other wedding guests with whom the bride is not well-acquainted.  A more general shower would be best for in-laws and other wedding guests who are not a part of the bride’s inner circle.”

4. Consider having a Honeymoon Romance shower.

In cases when a bride wants to have a shower that includes lingerie but is open to other gifts, Brown recommends having what he calls a “Honeymoon Romance shower.”  This is a shower that provides the bride with items that set a mood of romance in a bridal suite. Items such as candles, champagne, champagne flutes, linen spray, perfume, and scented lotions are all suitable gifts. Unlike a Lingerie shower, a Honeymoon Romance shower is more suitable for in-laws and others who aren’t intimate friends of the bride. Guests are able to purchase gifts that aren’t as personal in nature as lingerie.

5. Monitor gag gifts.

A good hostess should discourage gifts that could cause the bride embarrassment. If a guest wants to purchase something for the bride that is sexier than something on her list, then she should give the bride the gift privately, unless the gift is something that will provide an obvious laugh for the bride and her guests. Brown states, “A gag gift should be given privately, unless it is a legitimate gag.” This means that anyone who sees the gift would believe that it was given with the intent to create joy and laughter, without bringing negative attention to the bride or her shower.

A lingerie shower can be one of the most enjoyable events of a bride’s engagement season. However, it must be planned and executed with the utmost consideration and care. When a lingerie shower is conducted with a total focus on pleasing the bride, then the event produces beautiful and sexy “delicates” that the bride will unashamedly use to enchant the love of her life.

About Camille Davis:

Camille Davis is the owner of Oh Behave Etiquette Consultation in Dallas, TX. She provides consultation on modern manners and writes about them on her weekly blog. She holds a bachelor’s degree in journalism, a Master’s degree in history and is working on her Ph.D. Her website is entitled Follow her on Instagram @camillemarie_davis.


Gold Hawk

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *